人無完人，一篇有明顯缺點，還能拿到高分的作文，才是真實的考場範文。範文多得是，一要會挑選，二要知道模仿什麼，下面yjbys網小編為大家選出的高分範文，逐句撰寫模仿指南，希望你看了以後和我們的學員一樣，茅塞頓開，事半功倍。
Why do youthink it is that people's lives are longer now?
老規矩，原句在前，解析在後，用方括號標出
A greaternumber of people are now hitting【用詞準確】
theeighty-year mark than ten years ago. 【經典的主謂賓句型，永遠是最有力量的，用一句話説清楚一件事情，需要的話，後面句子跟上繼續推進，用句羣實現更大的效果】
In fact, the life expectancy of the average human has gone up【用詞準確，善於變換】
considerably, and is rising still.【前一句話講一些現象，這一句話對現象進行generalize同時明確指出發展趨勢，兩句話把people's lives are longer now這件事情徹底寫清楚了】
This phenomenon【注意這個詞的單複數形式】
is the result of several reasons. 【要敢用常見短句。長短句交錯，複雜句和簡單句交錯，是為讀者考慮，如同文學評論中説的，要為你的讀者準備可以坐下來休息的凳子，這樣的短句，就是休息的凳子】
For one, continuing【動詞ing形式做形容詞使用可以表現出生動的動態效果】
scientific and medical innovation ensure【高頻動詞，記住幾個變換形式guarantee, makes sure, promise, assure】
that more peoplereceive the treatment they require.【分觀點句，句中構建新的因果關係：科技醫療發展-->人們得到治療】
As our knowledge grows regarding various diseases, we become betterequipped to tackle them. 【解釋上句話的因果關係為何成立】
Consequently, we have managed to eradicate some diseases on a globalscale, while controlling the other diseases, so that the rate of mortality doesnot reach an alarming height during the outbreak of a disease. 【順勢利導，具體闡明觀點句中的因果關係帶來的全面效果】
The plagues of yore, as well as the more recent plague outbreaks arebecoming few and far in between. 【few and far in between這種押的高級寫法大家就別模仿了，段數太高，寫成less frequent也很好了。這句話才是我們所謂的“舉例説明”。前面論證做的好，例子真的只需要一句話就好了!】
Such control of diseases means that the general life expectancy hasgone up.【最後這句話極為關鍵!將分觀點句和全文主題的因果關係打通，不可或缺】
Diseasessuch as cancer, which used to result almost inevitably in death, are nowcurable, provided they are diagnosed at a certain stage. Diseases such astuberculosis and cholera now cause fewer deaths than they used to only a fewdecades ago. 【滿分作文作者也有不淡定的時候，寫着寫着覺得又想到兩個很好的例子，不寫浪費了，補刀補在半山腰，無比的畫蛇添足。這兩句話明明應該加在上一段的結尾句之前，或者不要更好】
Anotherreason for the greater life expectancy is the general betterment of the qualityof life. 【論點句永遠不帶玩花的，一句話建立因果關係：生活質量提高-->壽命變長】
What we call the ‘global village’ is fast becoming a city.【作者説是，就一定是!】
And in this city, more and more people are being provided a better level ofhygiene than ever before. 【生活質量提高的第一個方面--衞生】
A better and improving system of communication ensures that thelatest medical discoveries in the United States and Europe are known all overthe world in a space of a few days. 【第二個方面，communication，並且由communication導致醫療進展擴張很快。這是全文罕見的長句了，但結構依然很清晰】
Therefore, more and more people have access to better health care. 【將communication的'進展導致的醫療進展擴張快往人們的生活質量上拉--更好的醫療服務】
Even people living in relatively remote areas have access【用詞準確】 tosome kind of medical facilities. Though these facilities may be incapable ofhandling a crisis, they may help prevent death in cases that requireantibiotics and antivenin, thereby preventing death by infection or poison.【第二個長句，句內讓步和對仗(antibiotics and anti venin 對應by infection orpoison)都很完美，模仿有難度，謹慎模仿】【補刀，落後地區醫療服務也有進步，封堵自己的論證可能出現的漏洞】
Theincrease in awareness also means that people in general are becoming more awareof the risks of various diseases. 【第三個分論點出爐，awareness，也是個邊寫邊想的作者】
Forinstance, more people now, than two decades ago, are aware of the scourge ofcholesterol and the havoc it wreaks on an individual’s circulatory larly people are becoming aware that prevention is, after all, better thancure and are taking the appropriate steps to prevent infection from diseases. 【作者犯懶，並且醫學知識和詞彙也太豐富，開始直接舉例了，在第三個分論點段，這種lapse是絕對可以理解可以容忍的】
Ingeneral, though, the increased life expectancy owes much to the revolution incommunication. 【邊寫邊想的作者寫到這裏發現，自己前面的幾個論點都指向communication, 既然還有時間，再昇華一下吧!又一處畫蛇添足的敗筆。從這裏往後全部都不寫，也不影響這篇作文高分】
It may be mentioned that even two hundred years ago, inventions anddiscoveries were being made. However, they did few people any good. It simplytook too long to disseminate the information. The general level of awarenessregarding health was also low. 【開始過去和現在的比較，在communication對人們生活的影響方面。注意短句的使用，讀者可以喘口氣】
However, it has been noticed that since the inception【高級詞彙】
ofcommunication through first print, and then radio and television, the level ofawareness regarding health has generally risen. 【再次強化communication具體進步和健康意識之間的關係】
To illustrate, print facilitated the spread of knowledge throughbooks. Radio helped bring that knowledge to many people. Television helped tofurther this knowledge and disseminate is amongst an even greater number ofpeople. And finally, the Internet has removed the final barriers betweenintercultural and interracial communication. 【舉例，層層疊起，功力深厚，謹慎模仿】
In thecoming years, we may hope to see an even greater increase in life expectancy, evenas communication techniques continue to improve.【估計寫到這裏作者累死了，拖一筆結尾，邏輯詞都用錯了】
學識谷
