笑話一般比較短小,喜劇性很強,普遍存在於人們的日常生活中。笑話的娛樂作用可以減輕人的心理壓力,促進身體健康。小編精心收集了英語小笑話大全爆笑帶翻譯（精選8篇），供大家欣賞學習!
While the doctor was looking over the man, his wife kept fussing(煩躁，發牢騷) andjabbering(快而含糊地説) all the time. The doctor told her: "Your husband must get absolute rest and quiet." Then he left some sleeping pills.
The man's wife asked, "When do I dive them to my husband?" The doctor replied, "No, they are not for him. They are for you. You need them."
有個人生病了。他的妻子請了一位醫生來給他治病。
醫生在給他治療的時候，他的妻子一直大驚小怪，神神叨叨地緊張不安。醫生對她説：“你的丈夫必須絕對休息和保持安靜。” 然後他就留下了一些安 眠藥。
她問醫生：“什麼時候給我丈夫吃這些藥呀!”醫生回答説：“不用，這些藥不是給他吃的，是給你吃的，你需要。”
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有個女人給她的丈夫買了生日禮物。
她很激動，並且急於要告訴她的丈夫。她説：“親愛的.，我買了兩樣東西給你做生日禮物。我現在就要告訴你，因為我等不得到那一天才説。一件禮物是一個地墊，可以放在我的梳粧枱前。另一件是一個青銅的小雕像，可以放在客廳的壁爐架上”她還説：“好啦，你準備給我買什麼呢?”
她的丈夫想了一會就説：“我最好是給你買一個刮鬍刀和幾條領帶。這樣我們就可以互相交換禮物了。”
A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."
Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"
The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus(無知的人) failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment.”
"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."
有個士兵沒有注意到一個年輕的陸軍中尉，沒有向他敬禮。中尉很嚴厲地對那個士兵説：“你沒有向我敬禮，因此你要馬上敬100個禮。”
這時候將軍過來了。他看到那個可憐的士兵就要開始敬禮時，就大聲問道：“這是怎麼啦?”
中尉解釋説：“這個蠢貨沒有向我敬禮，我就罰他馬上向我敬一百個禮。”
將軍笑着説：“完全正確。不過，老弟，別忘了他向你每敬一個禮，你都要回禮的啊！”
One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.
When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.
He looked at her, bewildered(困惑的), and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."
"Yes," was his reply.
She answered, "Well, today, I didn't do it!"
一天，一個人下班回到家，發現屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子們還穿着睡衣，滿身是泥地躺在外面。
打開房門，他發現屋子裏面更亂。櫥櫃上堆着盤子，地上散落着狗食，桌子下面有一隻打碎的玻璃杯，後門旁還有一堆沙子。家庭娛樂室裏堆滿了玩具，還有一盞燈翻倒在地上。
他邁過散落在樓梯上的玩具，上樓去找他的妻子。他開始擔心她生病了或是發生了什麼可怕的事情。
他發現她還穿着睡衣躺在牀上，在看一本雜誌。
她抬頭看到他，笑着問他今天過得怎麼樣。
他看着她，困惑地問：“今天發生什麼事情了?”
她笑着問道：“你每天下班回家都會問我今天做什麼了。”
“沒錯啊，”他説。
她説：“是這樣的，今天，我沒做什麼!”
two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
"look," said the elder brother. "how nice these paintings are!"
“看，”哥哥説，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”
"yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. where is the father?"
“是啊，”弟弟説道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
the elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "obviously he was painting the pictures."
哥哥想了一會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”
To Buy a Video 買錄像機
Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.
But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.
Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!
艾莫斯問媽媽他們是否能買一台錄像機。
恐怕我們還買不起，媽媽歎息着説。
可第二天當艾莫斯回來時，他搖搖晃晃地搬着一台全新的錄像機。
你究竟是哪兒來的錢買這東西?媽媽大吃一驚，喘着氣説。
媽媽，這簡單， 艾曼斯回答。我把電視機給賣了！
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. Now, children, said she, has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?
Please, teacher, said a small boy, I've made someone glad yesterday.
Well done. Who was that?
My granny.
Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.
Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’!
一個主日學校的老師正在對學生講使別人高興的重要性。現在，孩子們，她説：你們當中有誰讓別人高興過?
我，老師，一個小男孩説：昨天我就使別人高興過。
做得好，是誰呢?
我奶奶。
好孩子，現在告訴我們，你是怎樣使你奶奶高興的。
是這樣的，老師。我昨天去看她，在她那兒呆了三個小時。然後我跟她説：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她説：‘啊，我很高興!’
A school report
學校成績單
The father was reading the school report which had just been handed to him by his hopeful son. His brow was wrathful(憤怒的) as he read,
父親在看他那滿懷希望的兒子帶回來的學校成績單。他邊看邊露出憤怒的表情：
"English, poor. French, weak. mathematics, fair." and he gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad(少年，小夥子).
“英語，差；法語，差；數學，中。”他厭惡地瞥了在發抖的兒子一眼。
"Well, Dad." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but have you seen that?" And he pointed to the next line which read, "health, excellent."
“爸爸，”兒子説，“可能成績不夠理想。但您看到那一項了嗎?”他指了指下一行：“健康狀況，優。”
學識谷
